"That looks like it really hurts"

Really, that's what my oncologist said, followed by a discussion about my hair.  She assured me, however, that detection will not be a problem should I elect to continue with the process.  She was very perturbed that I had the left breast biopsy and no one mentioned it to her, and there are no notes in my medical file.  She examined me and said, "that  REALLY looks like it hurts, the skin is so red, you need to go back and talk to your plastic surgeon".

I wanted to get back to the subject of cancer, her specialty. She said I literally have no breast tissue (on the right) and must continue to check the scar line.  It's along the scar that cancer cells may find a foot hold. I still wondered about the rest of my body. With nine positive lymph nodes there is no guarantee a nasty little bugger isn't hiding somewhere.  She agreed and said I need to continue having my checkups.

So where am I in my decision?  I'm getting closer to a decision. Tom and I had a long chat and it all comes down to how much more can I take? Is a boob really important to me? What happens afterwards-how long does it take to get back to normal?  More importantly, can we get rid of the tuck & roll when removing the implant?

Stupid is what stupid does

The worse day following surgery, almost a year ago. My chest is unforgiving. Each time I move my arm, reach, take a deep breath, yawn ... the POP and pull of pain sweeps through with a tidal wave of nausea. I stayed home today, hoping to get some sleep. Had a very difficult night.  Just typing makes me sweat. I'm seeing my oncologist on Friday- just a follow up.  I'm going to ask again what my odds are of cancer returning.  I'm feeling vulnerable and don't want synthetic hardware coming between me and detection. I have to think about 6 weeks of recovery time (if all goes well) and there is no way to plan for that length of time away from work. After I talk to her I may then call Dr. K-Hair and let him know that I wish to stop the reconstruction process.

It isn't fair - I watched a weird program on TV with transvestite beauty queens with figures to die for.  I was distracted from my pain while these amazon princesses strutted silicone and botox, then felt the small baseball in my chest and wondered again why I elected this.  First of all,  I really had no idea.  Guess I didn't ask the right questions, or listen carefully enough to the explanation.  This isn't me.  I'm not a depressed person, but this is making me terribly stressed and I feel stupid.

Wouldn't you know? Grow your own.

An announcement recently from Japanese universities that they are establishing an institute to use adult stem cells for breast reconstruction is welcome news, recognizing the current uses as well as future potential of adult stem cells for patients.
The most common methods of breast reconstruction are silicon injections and fat implants, which pose risks of infection as well as long-term maintenance. The proposal is to use adult stem cells from fat tissue (sometimes termed adipose-derived stem cells) of the patient to re-grow breast tissue.
There is already an ongoing approved clinical trial in Europe for breast cancer patients to use adipose-derived stem cells for breast reconstruction, and interim results have been very promising.
Doctors in Australia and in the U.K. had also previously announced clinical trials for the adult stem cell technique.
While it might sound humorous, adult stem cells from liposuctioned fat are a very useful source of stem cells for reconstructive surgery. They’ve already been used in other trials as well, but that’s for another story.
Growing new breast tissue from adult stem cells is not so far-fetched. In 2006, two groups showed that they could isolate mouse mammary gland stem cells, and regenerate an entire mammary gland from a single adult stem cell. (In the interests of equal time, another group showed in 2008 in mice the generation of a prostate from a single adult stem cell.) Of course, there are those who consider cosmetic breast augmentation the more significant application…
Adult stem cells continue to prove their superior capabilities for tissue repair in patients.

Just in case someone should ask

I returned for another "fill". Half dose, couldn't handle the full  load. With the standard handshake and inquiry to my health "how'd you do?" I consented once again to personal pain and torture. The divining rod-like magnet was waved over my chest marking the portal location, antiseptic applied and the foot long syringe extracted from the toolbox. I quickly reminded the practitioners that feeling had returned to that region and asked for some numbing spray. Following the "slight pinch" the doctor gritted his teeth and  applied  pressure to the plunger with an unnatural  intimacy. A slow process hindered by pressure from within.   As the needle was withdrawn the laws of physics applied and a small geyser sprouted followed by a squeak from the shinny attendant. Gauze, cotton ball and tape hung limp from the injection sight, adhesive useless against my damp skin. More experienced now I waved the attendant away and managed to stop the oozing myself. She handed me a fresh cotton ball which I held in place while she tapped. Over. Dr. K-H had already moved on to his next patient.

Before he left we discussed my skin. It is now showing signs of radiation damage.  It is stretched tight with small "pimples" that tear away. The area is darkening again and has a slight bruised appearance.  The implant is now the size of a baseball, and just as hard. Each movement involving my right side is crazy painful. The only time my arm feels "normal" is when placed over my head - so you can see me sitting most any time with my hand on my head. I 'm fighting against slumping and rounding my shoulders. It feels like my skin is shrinking and I want to curl up in a ball.  Finding a comfortable sleep position is impossible.  I'm again wondering why am I doing this? Today, I don't know.  Little jabby stabby pains shoot randomly through my baseball breast and I feel tugging and pulling with each movement. I'm actually nauseated by the pain. I don't know how long this will last.  Tom keeps making me laugh.  STOP IT! I tell him. He can't help himself. So I smile and giggle, and hold my  baseball in place while my chest tugs and pulls and my stomach turns. Joey sits on my feet, the laundry waits.

#8 You're Great!

As promised:  The world is a better place because of you.  You found the illustrious sneaky kitty, in record time and made our world whole. I'm sure you accomplished it with your always present charm, grace and style.  The perfect final charm to the Drummy circle. 

You go girl!  Way to go!!

Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty . . . .

Where is my Kitty-ator? Partner in informercial soft sell? Laughing lady?  Hmmmmmmmmm? For the next 24 hours you will receive a free compliment and atta-girl if you are one of the first 6000 bloggers with Kitty Info.  But THAT's not all.  A complimentary wink and nod of recognition if you can produce the real, the original Kitty.  This offer may seem too good to be true, and yes it is spectacular, and  remember this is a limited offer. The clock is ticking.    gotta love a woodpecker

Back to Plan A

Sunday, lazy day.  I've recovered from my 12 hour shift. It was hard. But I can't imagine being on the other side (the ladies we support).  WOW the sunshine is beautiful, it makes me happy to see the blue sky and the birds circling the house, all types. 

Saw Dr. Kennedy-Hair Friday.  We had our discussion, he is game and supportive of any decision I make. I went ahead and had another fill.  He says my skin looks terrific and one of the best results following radiation that he has ever seen.  He said the the skin graft is intended to replace skin damaged by the radiation and  that since I'm only going for replacement, not enlargement, that I may (and he stressed MAY) not have to have the graft. He has offered more drugs for the discomfort.  I'm taking muscle relaxers at night, but have started taking them during the day - staying ahead of the discomfort. It works. So, unless I just "POP" I'm going to continue with my original plans.  I do not plan to have the surgery until August.

Day Off: Sunshine

Gotta work tomorrow-12 hour shift, so I'm taking today off.  Maybe work in the yard a little. Got up early so I could get the most of the day. See Dr. K-H later today, I think I'm going to have a consultation about if I can change my mind.  I'm so used to being mono-boob and tired of the hardware in my chest. The discomfort just doesn't stop. I wonder and worry about future biopsies - this latest one can't be done with implants.  How often will the professionals locate "areas of interest" and have to devise new torture technologies to probe, drill and tunnel my flesh?  It's been a year today I was told I had cancer. I'm going to have a good day, in spite of that bit of news. On a bright note, MY HAIR IS FABULOUS .