The worse day following surgery, almost a year ago. My chest is unforgiving. Each time I move my arm, reach, take a deep breath, yawn ... the POP and pull of pain sweeps through with a tidal wave of nausea. I stayed home today, hoping to get some sleep. Had a very difficult night. Just typing makes me sweat. I'm seeing my oncologist on Friday- just a follow up. I'm going to ask again what my odds are of cancer returning. I'm feeling vulnerable and don't want synthetic hardware coming between me and detection. I have to think about 6 weeks of recovery time (if all goes well) and there is no way to plan for that length of time away from work. After I talk to her I may then call Dr. K-Hair and let him know that I wish to stop the reconstruction process.
It isn't fair - I watched a weird program on TV with transvestite beauty queens with figures to die for. I was distracted from my pain while these amazon princesses strutted silicone and botox, then felt the small baseball in my chest and wondered again why I elected this. First of all, I really had no idea. Guess I didn't ask the right questions, or listen carefully enough to the explanation. This isn't me. I'm not a depressed person, but this is making me terribly stressed and I feel stupid.
Oh my dear, I also did not realize you would have to go through so much, they make it sound so easy, the whole country has become a boob fest, must be like the miracle of the "change" no one told us the REAL story about that either! One thing Norm remembers about Mother (true story he just told me recently) was their discussion on losing her boob, she told him that I had my lovers, my kids, my style and now its time to move on not a deal breaker any more..I am still ME! You will always be our Annie and love you.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sara. You are you, no matter. This reconstruction surgery must be for you, no one else. If you feel unsure what course to take, go ahead and ask more questions until you feel comfortable making a final decision. That bit of advise IS very simplistic, I know. So continue talking with the folks working with you. Let them know how you are feeling (physically and mentally). And don't feel stupid, because you're not. On the contrary......... Love you. #3
ReplyDeleteAfter mom passed away all of sudden I had all of these questions I should asked the dr. and Mom . but with no experience one dose not know what to ask. Let alone ask about our own boobs,when one wearing a god dam paper cape. LOVE YOU
ReplyDeleteIt's a wonderful thing being able to have choices and being in charge of your own body! For the past year you had to sit back and endure things out of your control. So,now you get to listen to your heart and mind; they won't let you down. Do what feels right. We love you!
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