Saturday, May 15, 2010 9:03 PM, CDT
Feeling funny all under: I have to share my underwear story. My navigator insisted I needed to purchase a special post surgery under garment that would house my little buddies and keep me together. It was expensive and totally useless. I only had to pay the $25.00 copay but feel especially cheated when I bought the perfect post surgery outfit for $12.00 at Wal-Mart. Getting ready to leave I chose to put my own underwear (panties) on instead of waiting for assistance. Why would I need anyone to help me put on my underwear? I didn't fully appreciate at the time how inflicted my right arm was. I was still protecting my chest. As I stood with my hospital gown wide open in the back (untied) I attempted to step into my panties. It was then I realized I had a very limited range of motion. I managed to pull up my panties up my left leg, while the right side stubborning clung to my leg below my knee. With my left hand, under the hospital gown I pulled and got my hand tangled in the elastic and in a very compromising position heard.."Do you need some help?" It was Dr. Kennedy-Hair looking on with a twisted smirk..holding in a laugh. I babbled something about how stupid I must be if I can't even put on my panties ... we shared a moment of shrugged shoulders, raised eyebrows as if to answer... I don't know, how stupied must I be. I managed to untangle my hand and cover my ass. He dismissed himself and I continued my struggle when Carl (the ever wonderful CNA) came in to help. He was sweet-holding my gown closed as I shuffled (panties at my knees) to the bathroom to sit down on the toilet to catch my breath.
Later when it came time to dress for my departure The Nurse came into help me with the bubbles. She was going to pin the tubes to my shirt . . . but NO! I have a camisole! So Tom and the Nurse worked diligently to corset me into this poorly designed contraption. I had to step into it. The three of us pulled and tugged to get the elastic banded empire waist over my big old butt. The elastic band included a velcro band that convienienty helf two little round "pockets" for the bubbles. Geeze...the velcro attached itself to my panties, the body of the camisol folded and twisted around the bra top...after some good heave-hos & POP, the whole garment was successfully twisted at my middrif. Now my arms needed to go into the shoulder straps. RIGHT. Remember, no range of motion. After several attempst the three of us under the watchful eye of Carl got me stapped in - pockets in place and tubes tightly tucked away. All this could have been easily accomplished with my front loading pocketed bed jacket. Who knew? I will be returning the camisole with a note to the maker as to why the velcro sucks, the pockets suck, the shoulder straps suck, the empire elastic band sucks, the giant puffy boobs make for a wonderful seatbelt protector. Wal-Mart, again, came to my rescure with a $11.00 sports bra that snaps in the front, it's wide enough under my arm to hold in the back fat reminent that currently has nothing to support it (used to be held by the breast). So easy to put on, no pulling or pulling- it holds a nice little fake breast and makes me feel good all under. I went shopping and felt nearer to normal. Gotta remember to not over do it.
Later when it came time to dress for my departure The Nurse came into help me with the bubbles. She was going to pin the tubes to my shirt . . . but NO! I have a camisole! So Tom and the Nurse worked diligently to corset me into this poorly designed contraption. I had to step into it. The three of us pulled and tugged to get the elastic banded empire waist over my big old butt. The elastic band included a velcro band that convienienty helf two little round "pockets" for the bubbles. Geeze...the velcro attached itself to my panties, the body of the camisol folded and twisted around the bra top...after some good heave-hos & POP, the whole garment was successfully twisted at my middrif. Now my arms needed to go into the shoulder straps. RIGHT. Remember, no range of motion. After several attempst the three of us under the watchful eye of Carl got me stapped in - pockets in place and tubes tightly tucked away. All this could have been easily accomplished with my front loading pocketed bed jacket. Who knew? I will be returning the camisole with a note to the maker as to why the velcro sucks, the pockets suck, the shoulder straps suck, the empire elastic band sucks, the giant puffy boobs make for a wonderful seatbelt protector. Wal-Mart, again, came to my rescure with a $11.00 sports bra that snaps in the front, it's wide enough under my arm to hold in the back fat reminent that currently has nothing to support it (used to be held by the breast). So easy to put on, no pulling or pulling- it holds a nice little fake breast and makes me feel good all under. I went shopping and felt nearer to normal. Gotta remember to not over do it.
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