Waiting: April 10, 2010

Saturday, April 10, 2010 8:09 PM, CDT

Annie’s adventures in oncology:   Waiting

It’s Sunday.  I have my MRI scheduled for Wednesday, 7:00am.  This is good, I’ll be able to go straight to work from there.  I’ve been working with my staff training them on the routine things I do and seeing that they get signed up for appropriate trainings.  I expect I will be focusing on writing the policy manual and job description updates I’ve been putting off.  I still need to get a handle on the group retirement plan and new COBRA/ARRA laws.  This I can do from home mostly.  I don’t really like working from home. The day goes too fast and I really don’t feel as productive.  

I keep waiting for an energy burst.  I have this idea in my head that an instinct similar to the nesting instinct will take over and I will be motivated to dust, mop, arrange, organize and sort.  But it hasn’t come. On the contrary I have to force myself to change my routine. Sundays are for vegging around here. I want to be more organized, ready for the inevitable, prepared to meet what this adventure has in store for me.  Also, to prepare Tom for his new role. 

I bought some moisturizing gloves.  My hands are so dry and my fingernails a mess.  I need to get my skin healthy.  I love these gloves!!  Why haven’t I done this before?  Don’t know.  Guess it’s about not spending money on me. Tom wants a pair. Cute.

Do I go ahead and color my hair now?  Cover the gray or let it go?  Think I’ll color my hair today, after I disinfect the laundry room.  This is me waiting for an energy burst.

Put a pork roast in the crock pot.  Thinking about cutting up veggies and freezing them in crock pot ready bags for easy meals.  Throw in some frozen chicken breast, a veggie bag and a few herbs and spices in the morning, dinner ready. Tom doesn’t want me around any knives.  I’m not good with knives.  Me and sharp things have a history. 

Dusted off the treadmill.  30 minutes.  It’s a start. 

Replaced my glass of wine with a glass or orange juice.

Monday:

Going to work –told myself to be happy. After I decided to be happy it really was quite easy.  I’m happy I painted my kitchen Granny Smith Apple green.  Tossed the bras, bought some sports bras…now that’s happy.   30 minutes on the treadmill.  O.J.

Bailey will be meeting us in Las Vegas and travel to 29 Palms with us.  Now that makes me happy. 

March Madness – hey, it’s April already.   I’m still waiting.

New Week: Oh my M.R.I. 

Geeze!  I didn’t know I had claustrophobia.  I really didn’t.  Maybe I don’t.  Maybe the M.R.I. is just a torture devise to test my will…my commitment. 

Long story short, I spent all of 3 seconds in the (old fashioned tube style) torture chamber before my arms and legs involuntarily jerked, my eyes rolled back, my heart jumped into my throat.  Holly COW,  I didn’t know I had claustrophobia. 

Funny seeing Jackie peaking around the corner, wanting to help, I could see the concern on her face when the technician cautioned her “ do not come past the door”.  I was shaken.  She was there.  Thank you Jackie!!!

Had the MRI rescheduled for the next day- an OPEN MRI.  It was a breeze.  Well, the drugs did help. I assured I had a good night sleep by taking some Tylenol PM, skipped the morning coffee and had my PCP prescribe some anti-anxiety drugs – NICE.  Was a little loopy afterwards, so I just went home and relaxed. 

Note to self:  Drugs are good. Remember to ask for the drugs.

New week: Still waiting.                                                                                                               4/12/10

Scheduled for a Chemo Class on Wednesday; Electrocardiogram on Thursday; Surgery on Friday-pending the read on the MRI.  

The doctors are working around my schedule so I will be able to attend Mom’s memorial. 

Spent the weekend reading up on Chemo therapy; cleaning the house and getting the house in order. Guess the anticipated energy burst kicked in, a little.

I’ve been preparing more people at work.  It’s interesting how different people react to the news.  My new fear is not being able to drive into work.  Jackie is coaching me.  She fears I won’t recognize my limitations during Chemo and over extend myself.  Her fear is justified.  Even Tom is starting to warn me to “slow down” and be more purposeful with my movements and to WEAR SHOES.

Okay, I get it.  I’m a Klutz. I shall practice grace.